9 Reasons You Should Get Married (and 9 Reasons You Shouldn’t)

Some questions don’t leave you alone, no matter how much you try to brush them aside, and should I get married is definitely one of them.

It sneaks up in quiet moments and in practical ones.

Sometimes it’s watching friends get engaged. Sometimes it’s after a long argument. Sometimes it’s when you’re lying awake next to someone you love and wondering, “Is this the person I want to build a life with?”

And sometimes it’s far more logistical.

You start searching things like what age should I get married, when should I get married, where should I get married, or even should I get married before joining the military, because the answer affects more than romance; it affects your future, your finances, your stability, and your identity.

This guide isn’t here to push you toward a yes or a no.

It’s here to give you a grounded, realistic way of looking at the decision, with nine reasons you may be ready and nine reasons you might not be, so your choice is based on clarity, not pressure.

9 Reasons You Might Be Ready to Get Married

If you are asking yourself why should I get married, these are the kinds of reasons that actually hold up over time. Not fireworks, not Instagram, but patterns that make partnership sustainable.

1. You handle stress as a team, not as opponents

Look at how you both behave when things are hard, not just when things are fun.

Bad day at work. Family tension. Health issues. Visa problems. Money stress.

Do you blame each other, shut down, or compete over who has it worse?

Or do you switch into a quiet, practical mode:

• “What do you need right now?”
• “What can we solve today?”
• “What can wait?”

Couples ready for marriage usually have this team mindset.

They still fight, they still get overwhelmed, but neither person sees the other as the enemy. That pattern matters much more than how often you say “I love you.”

2. You can talk about needs without guilt or panic

A healthy marriage is not mind reading. It is saying:

• “I need more emotional check-ins.”
• “I need some alone time this weekend.”
• “I need you to be honest about money.”

If every honest conversation turns into an explosion, silent treatment, or threat to leave, that is a concern.

If you can say hard things, stay in the room, and repair after conflict, that is a real sign of readiness.

Marriage is daily communication. If you can share needs without feeling selfish or terrified, you already have one of the strongest foundations you can ask for.

3. You have survived at least one unglamorous season together

Not a holiday. Not a honeymoon phase. Something genuinely rough.

• One of you was unemployed for a while.
• One of you struggled with mental health.
• You did long distance and hated it, but still showed up.
• There was grief, illness, burnout, or a major disappointment.

If you made it through a difficult period with more honesty, not less; more respect, not less, that says more about your marriage potential than any romantic trip.

You already know what the other person looks like under pressure, which answers a lot of the “when should I get married” doubts people carry.

4. You trust each other’s judgment, not just each other’s feelings

Feelings are important. Judgment gets you through decades.

Ask yourself, would I trust this person to:

• Sign a lease with me
• Co parent with me, if we ever choose that path
• Make a medical decision for me if I could not
• Handle shared money without hiding things

If the answer is yes, you are not just in love with them; you respect them.

That respect is a quiet but powerful answer to the should I get married question that many people overlook.

5. You can talk honestly about sex, desire, and boundaries

Marriage does not magically fix mismatched libidos or unspoken resentments.

If you can already talk about:

• What you like and do not like
• How often you both want intimacy
• What feels safe or unsafe
• How you will handle dry seasons

…you are miles ahead.

Good intimacy in marriage has less to do with movie-style passion and more to do with communication and kindness.

If you can have awkward conversations without shame, that is a serious green flag.

6. You know each other’s flaws and still feel respect

Everyone brings something imperfect into a relationship.

Maybe they procrastinate. Maybe you get anxious. Maybe you both have family patterns you are trying to unlearn.

Marriage readiness is not “my partner has no flaws.”

It is “I can live with these flaws, they can live with mine, and we are both willing to keep growing.”

If you find yourself thinking, “They annoy me sometimes, but I deeply respect who they are at their core,” that is a better reason to marry than any grand speech.

7. You have a shared view of money and lifestyle

You do not need the same income, but you do need compatible habits and priorities.

Ask each other:

• Are we savers or spenders, or somewhere in between?
• How much debt feels acceptable?
• What kind of home life do we want: busy, social, quiet, travel heavy?

Misaligned money values create daily friction. If you can talk about money without shaming each other and you broadly agree on direction, you are more ready than many couples who only talk about romance.

8. Your values align, even if your personalities differ

Values outlast chemistry.

You can have different hobbies and interests. The deeper questions matter more:

• Do we share ideas about loyalty, honesty, and commitment?
• Do we see work, family, and rest in similar ways?
• Do our spiritual or philosophical views clash or cooperate?

If you are wondering why you should get married, this is one of the best answers: because you have found someone whose values sit comfortably next to yours, and that makes everyday life feel safe.

9. When you picture a future with them, you feel calm, not trapped

Sometimes the clearest answer to “should I get married” is in your body, not your brain.

When you fast forward and picture:

• Shared holidays
• Aging together
• Navigating loss
• Building a home

…do you feel a sense of calm or a sense of panic?

No relationship is free of fear, but there is usually a dominant feeling. If the dominant feeling is peace and “this feels like home,” that is worth listening to.

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9 Reasons You Might Not Be Ready to Get Married

Saying “not yet” is not a failure. Sometimes it is the healthiest decision you can make.

Here are signs that the honest answer to “should I get married” might be “probably not right now.”

1. You are in love with the idea of marriage, not the reality of this relationship

You crave the wedding, the photos, the ring, the social approval. The relationship itself feels shaky, draining, or full of unresolved issues.

If you are more excited by the event than the everyday life that comes after it, pause. Marriage does not rescue a weak relationship. It amplifies everything that is already there.

2. You are hoping marriage will make someone change

If your hope sounds like:

• “They will drink less once we are married.”
• “They will become more responsible after the wedding.”
• “They will treat me better once it is official.”

…that is a warning, not a plan.

Marriage tends to lock in habits rather than transform them. If there are patterns you cannot live with long term, listen to that discomfort.

3. You use breaks, threats, or ultimatums to keep things going

Couples fight. Couples disagree. That is normal.

Constant cycles of:

“Then we are done,” “Fine, I will leave,” “We should just break up,” are not conflict. They are instability.

If the relationship only feels secure when you are ignoring big issues or making up dramatically, that is not a stable base for a lifelong commitment.

4. Your sense of self keeps shrinking in this relationship

Maybe you gave up all your hobbies. Maybe you stopped seeing friends because it causes fights. Maybe you feel smaller, quieter, less like yourself.

Marriage should ask you to grow, not erase yourself.

If you feel like your identity is disappearing, the question is not when should I get married, it is “am I safe and seen in this relationship at all.”

5. You are rushing because of age, family pressure, or comparison

Everyone around you seems partnered. Parents keep asking. Social media is a highlight reel of engagements.

Pressure can sound like:

• “I am already 30, what age should I get married by?”
• “Everyone else is moving forward; I am behind.”

That anxiety is understandable, but a rushed yes to the wrong person hurts far more than a slower yes to the right one.

Timing is personal, not a group project.

6. You are considering marriage mainly for the benefits, not the bond

This is especially common with practical situations like visas, housing, or the military.

For example, you might be asking “should I get married before joining the military” because of housing, insurance, or deployment support. Those benefits are real and important.

They should not be the only reason.

If the relationship itself is unstable, the stress of military life can make that instability feel unbearable.

7. You have not had one honest conversation about money, conflict or future plans

If you avoid topics like:

• Debt
• Children, yes or no
• Where you want to live
• How you handle anger

…because you are scared of the answers, that is valuable information. Silence is not safety. Marriage will drag every one of those topics into the light.

8. Your partner does not take responsibility for their part in problems

Everyone messes up. The important part is what happens after.

If “sorry” never comes, if every problem is always your fault or someone else’s, if your partner never reflects on their behaviour, that will not magically improve with a certificate.

Shared responsibility is at the heart of a stable marriage. If you do not see it now, assume you will not see it later either.

9. Your body says “no” even when your mind says “maybe”

Sometimes everything looks fine on paper. No obvious red flags. No huge fights. The relationship is okay, but not deeply right.

You talk about engagement and feel a tightness in your chest. You visit venues and feel strangely numb.

You ask yourself where should I get married and what day should I get married, but never feel excited about actually standing there.

Listen to that. Doubt does not always mean “do not marry this person ever,” but it can mean “do not marry this person now.”

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

Conclusion: The Real Answer to “Should I Get Married?”

There is no perfect age, perfect timeline, or perfect formula for this decision.

But the truth is simple: readiness comes from who you are and how your relationship feels when real life, not just the highlights, shows up.

If the connection is steady, communication feels safe, and the future looks like something you want to build together, marriage can be a meaningful step.

And you don’t need a traditional path to make it real. Courthouse weddings, intimate ceremonies, destination plans, or a legal online ceremony through Courtly are all equally valid ways to begin.

If your honest reflection leans toward not yet, that deserves respect too. Waiting, re-evaluating, or choosing differently is also an expression of self-awareness; not failure.

Marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about choosing someone you can grow with, repair with, and return to even on the hard days.

Whatever your answer becomes, make it one you’ll be proud of years from today.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your own way and on your own terms, you can even make it legal online from anywhere. Try Courtly now.

FAQs

1. What age should I get married?

There is no magic number. Some people are ready in their twenties, others feel settled only in their thirties or later. Focus less on age and more on emotional maturity, communication, financial awareness, and clarity about what you want from a partnership and life in general.

2. When should I get married if we have been together for years?

Length of relationship helps, but it is not the only factor. Pay attention to how you handle conflict, money, stress, and long-term goals. If you still cannot talk about the future without arguments or shutdowns, time together alone is not enough reason to marry.

3. Should I get married before joining the military?

Marriage can unlock housing, benefits, and support in the military, but it also adds pressure. If your relationship already feels solid under stress, it can make sense. If you are unsure, rushing into marriage for benefits alone can create bigger emotional and legal problems later.

4. Where should I get married, practically speaking?

Think less about trends and more about comfort and logistics. Consider where your closest people can realistically travel, what kind of environment feels like “you”, and what your budget can handle. Some couples choose hometowns, others pick small destination venues or simple civil ceremonies that keep the focus on the commitment.

5. What day should I get married on for the “best” wedding?

There is no lucky universal date. Saturdays are popular but expensive. Fridays and Sundays can be kinder on cost and availability. Choose a date that gives you enough planning time, works for your most important guests and vendors, and does not compress your finances or stress to breaking point.

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